Friday, 30 May 2008

Perfect Stranger..

We spent half (3/4 in my case) of our lives at office or school, but we could never get along with the people who we spent most of our time with. They simply play no significance in our lives that we tend to forget them, the moment we step out of the zone. But its amazing, how we suddenly bump this one new strange person and we get the feeling like we have known them all our lives and we would feel so safe to share all our life secrets.

I bumped into one recently.

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before in my previous posts, I am a very reserved person. I don’t make friends easily. I have never had more than 4 friends at any one point of time. Though this group of 4 friends changed gradually from primary to secondary to uni, but I have always been very attached to this friends. These are the people who know me like the back of their hand.

I can never start a conversation with a stranger. I could remain without speaking a word even if I’m jailed with a stranger for days if I want to. The best effort that I always make when I’m in a similar situation is to fake a smile. You know the kind of smile where you try to stretch your face muscle to reach the ears and it immediately returns to its original position in a split of second. Yeah, that’s the one. I’m constantly called or named snobbish for behaving in such away. But seriously, it’s something beyond my control. That’s my nature.

Anyway, back to my story. Yeah, I bumped into this one guy recently. I just had an opportunity to spend some time with him for merely 2 days. What surprises me till now is, I really don’t know I got along so well with him in those 2 days. Amazingly there was no ice to break, we just talked and talked and talked and became good friends. Just to stress the fact, there wasn’t any flirting involved, no sparks, no chemistry; it was a pure, platonic relationship. At the end of the 2 days, we were actually sitting at a corner of a road, eating ice cream, sharing our little secrets and laughing our hearts out.

He’s gone to wherever he came from. But I’m still amazed that I met him.

By: ‘lilo

Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Evolution part II

technology has evolved so much that im actually blogging from my mobile.. N d best thing is, it doesnt cost me a cent to do it :) i still remember our uni days, where 1st we were restricted by service providers to send sms to certain numbers.. Then we had to restrict ourselves from sending a sms considering d amount we paid..
Its amazing to think back how we actually survived during those time.. It sounds so ice age now..
Im right now at ritz carlton, calling my bf at india to make sure he has woke up, blogging, n facebooking on my mobile..
Just to rewind back few years of my life, i was at a stucked up place called skudai, shouting at my friends room windows asking wats for lunch n saving that one sms cost n constantly dealing wit tongkangs :p
Im sure my frens will laugh reading tis :)

Friday, 23 May 2008

Career Crossroad


I never thought it will be this hard!!!

Yesterday, as per my previous blog entry.. i got first-hand talk on what is going to happen in my department and the organization next week from a very senior and a dear colleague of mine.

Basically i got offered a new role in a new team (to be formed next week) with a new boss (who is the nicest boss i've known and respect greatly).

All exciting right? Wrong!!

That's cos as of March 2008, i have already decided once and for all (or so i thought) that i will leave LHD and i started applying.. And although i still have a looong list of companies i have yet to apply, i did managed to secure 2 companies interested in hiring me over the past month. Nothing great but better than nothing lah :)

So anyway, on Monday this week, i turn down one offer coz i was eagerly waiting another offer which i thought will be offered to me in 2-3 weeks IF im successful.

And today, just before lunch time, i get a call from that place offering me. The even dangled the "team lead" role in front of me, though the package is good overall but i think we can work on that.. ;-) But i had to be honest with them and i told them about my current situation at work, my future role and future team change and possibly another raise..

The guy was nice enough to tell me they can work on the package still.. (yet another carrot) :P

And then just as i was back from lunch, the manager approaches me again to have a chat.. He tells me more details. And then he says, my allowance, my raise etc can be fixed within a matter of days once the official announcement is out next week.

Since this was my mentor-friend, i told him some parts about my offer just hours before.. We had a looong talk and in the end he says "You need to do wishful thinking over the weekend".

He is right, i shouldn't be swayed by 'carrots dangled' but at the same time, im not even sure if im ready to lead people! I am ambitious and i tend to want things fast but how fast is good enough??

By Wednesday, i need to give my answer to the other company and by Tuesday to my current workplace..

I never thought i'll come to my very own 'major career crossroad' such as what im facing today... :( i am so at a loss..

Oh the pains of growing up!! Arrgh..

Going Mad,

Of dreams and damp pillows

They say dreams represent a world of imagery in which our darkest fears, deepest secrets, and most passionate fantasies break out from the unconscious mind and only at this time become present to our own consciousness

Two nights ago, i had a two weird dream back to back... The first was about Mr. Blue, my ex... Been a long time i never use that word to describe him and have almost forgotten that nickname. It was coined at a time when we didn't know his name. Only his car, hence the name :P

Been a long time also i even thought about him... Anyway, in the dream, we were still together.. I had just come back from somewhere (Prague was it?) and we met... He was slightly distant (not as much as distant and cold as he was when i came back from my holiday in AU)... So, we were sitting in the car, talking like friends (not couples) and i remember in the dream i was feeling contented and just comfortable with him... After that, i don't remember much of the dream but i remember he dropping off to a house (his house?) not sure. And then his new gf was there, N. And it's sorta like that's when my worst suspects came true... Oddly, i just walked out of the house coolly and wishing him luck etc.

Then the next dream was about my blog and this blog.. and whole lot of it revolving blogs.. Now this dream, i could understand because earlier that day, i was busy trying to revamp this blog with new templates etc and also testing it out with my new (unfinished) blog...

But why did i dream about Mr.Blue out of the blue? (pardon the pun)... Anyway, i woke up that day feeling blue :(

The dream somehow managed to evoke some emotions which i thought were long dead... I remembered how it used to be like in a relationship, the feeling one gets and i realized in a weird way, i do miss him a little... I know i don't want him back or want him to want me back or anything but i guess im just missing the feelings...

Ever since i broke up, i have started to spend more time at home, more time with my family and friends... I poured my heart and soul to my work when i first started working and it did bring me success and respect among my colleagues.

But right now, im stuck in a rut. Nothing seems to be going for me.. I have lost my 'mojo'.. I have no mood to work, no mood to drive to work, no mood to wake up, no mood to hang out, no mood to travel etc.

Yesterday was a fairly ordinary, uneventful day for me. I went to work, spent most of the time surfing instead of working, then after work went for a quick coffee as a fellow manager wanted to discuss some future career prospects with me in my current workplace (see, these people still think im my old 'performing' self, when im NOT), and after that i left and had a good game of badminton (won 2 games even) and came back and watched a really good old Hindi movie about oppressed women.

Before i slept, i remembered staring at the ceiling and i suddenly burst out crying. For no reason. I suddenly missed that old me who used to cry ever so often ever since high school.. Be it family or Mr.Blue, i was bound to cry myself to sleep almost weekly. Then something changed and i cried even less.

It felt good crying though.. i remember praying.. i remember asking God to find TK a soul mate soon as that will make my sad mum, my worried dad and my ever-hopeful grandma happy... All i want is that and for me to die before everyone else leaves me.. Tears always well up in my eyes when i think of my grandma, her age etc. Its silly but i can't help it. :(

Last thing i remembered before falling into a dreamless sleep last night was the damp pillow.


Thursday, 22 May 2008

2 fast and 2 furious no more ??

I and my sister travel almost 50kms to work and fro (so, total of 100km in a day) each working day...

It's not like our house is not located centrally enough, in fact it is very near the 'heart' of KL if KLCC is defined truly as the 'heart' of KL. With the LRT (Light Rail Transit), it takes about 15 minutes to KLCC and a drive takes 10 minutes when there is no traffic jam.

On a good day (read: no traffic), i can even reach Bangsar within 20 minutes.. And i have done this many times coz IM ALWAYS LATE for ANY appointments i make.. Hehe..

So anyway, back to the 'Journey to Work':

Speeding, cutting lanes, driving on the emergency lane, flashing headlight to F*cking Slow-Couches-in-front-of-us, are areas of expertise for me and my sister these days.

1.5 years driving to the god-forsaken land called Cyberjaya, we KNOW that SPEED is everything.. ;-)

A year ago, we used to leave home before 7am just so that we can avoid the legendary
MRRII (Middle Ring Road Two) traffic jam. I had just started working at LHD then... I remember i used to be one of the earliest of the lot in my floor.

Fast forward to a year and half later, (more precisely after i came back from Prague), i started waking up really late, at 7.15 AM when my mum comes up to wake us up before she goes for her morning

My sister, the more disciplined one, will immediately jump out of the bed and start preparing for bath etc. And what do i do? I struggle to hold on to the last few bits of my un-finished dream (if there were any) or pretend that it is still to early to wake up. Not that any of those are successful coz once you're woken, there is not turning back :( And so, it takes another shout from my mum or my sister, for me to grudgingly wake up.

So anyway, the pattern has clearly changed and we are now always leaving home at 8.30 AM or 8.20 AM.

The good news is, most of the jam on the early stretch of the MRRII has already been cleared off and the rest of the jam is the usual hot spots and bottleneck areas which a jam cannot be avoided.

This is when our 'skills' come in handy... A quick overtake here, and a quick switch to the emergency lane, and we are constantly moving as opposed to the almost standstill traffic on the other lanes.. Haha.. So long suckers! :P

And once we reach Putrajaya, that's when the odometer goes up to 120km/h - 140km/h. (I once clocked 165km/h in another new highway in Putrajaya: my best record so far :D)

Now the surprising part is this, we have been doing this consistently for the past 1.5 years, and we are so 'blessed' that we have not gotten the ticket yet :D

But last Sunday, for the first time ever, my sister's 1.5 year old car got it's first ticket when she was doing a 110km/h in 80km/h zone, while racing to be on time for her friend's IKEA shopping appointment. She is still dreading when my dad finds out about it.. :-S

And today morning as i was driving alone to work in my mum's car, driving 100 km/h (coz my mum's car is freakin slow!) on the far right lane, i suddenly started to brake bit by bit coz i saw 2 traffic policemen setting up a speed camera on the bushes. One of the policeman actually looked up as i was zooming by and we had an eye to eye contact for a split second.

He had on his face, this sort of smirk that said, "your speeding days are so over". Instinctively after the brief eye contact, i started slowing down... And cursing the damn policemen coz my days of speeding in "Putrajaya-very-empty-roads-suitable-for-speeding" are nearing to an end... sob, sob :(

Don't get me wrong btw. It is not my intention to encourage everyone to speed by writing this article. I know it is very very wrong. Heck, Malaysia is so famous for road accidents and i have seen my share of nasty ones especially in Putrajaya and Cyberjaya where everyone speeds.

Here's the thing, i know speeding, cutting lanes etc is bad, but because my workplace is so freaking far, i can't help but to try minimize the time i spend on the road. Isn't that everyone's goal too?

Every morning, before we leave to work, i know my mum says a little prayer as we wave our 'bye bye' to her and Casper. And every morning, we pass by the little
Gurdwara on the way and fold our hands together and bow regardless when we are driving or being the passenger. I guess that's one protection method we take every day and are blessed for (well, sort of) :)

P/s: I know God can't be protecting us forever, so i pledge to start driving more responsibly from today onwards.. :D

- the very solemn Margie

Tuesday, 20 May 2008


“If you keep coming back late; I would marry u off faster”

That’s the latest threat I have been getting from my mom. This phrase simply goes into my blood, runs up to my head, creeps into my bones and gets me on my nerves!

It makes me feel like an utter useless piece of shit, which you can throw away from your house when you don’t need it or makes me feel like a stupid old cow that you can sell it off to be slaughtered when it is sick.

I have been reading all this novels on girls from Middle Eastern/African countries being forced into marriage and they run away looking for asylum. I used to pity them so much. But honestly, I don’t see myself being any different.

Will getting married actually solve all problems on earth? If getting married is the only resolution of life, I would never want to be born again. I have lived for 26 years and have met many walks of people in my life. But I am yet to find one person, who truly enjoyed getting married and believes that is the best thing that could have ever happen to him/her. Maybe my mom is the one person. But how can I be convinced when I see my father suffering every day?

Do not get me wrong. I am not against marriage. I do want to get married. I do want to have a family of my own. It’s just that I do not want to be forced into it. I don’t want to get married because I am 20 something old. I don’t want to get married because it’s my turn in my family. I don’t want to get married because my friends are doing so. I don’t want to get married because it would make my parents happy.

I want to get married because nothing else would make my life happier. I want to get married because I have found the father to my kids. I want to get married because I’m blindly in love. (note:blindly) I still think you have to be blinded by something to be married. Haha.

By: ‘lilo

Un Mes (One Month)

As I was sitting down to lunch today, it just hit me that exactly one month ago, it was my first day in Honduras and I was at this same restaurant for lunch. One month ago, I had not the slightest clue what was written in the menu because everything was Spanish. I remember just telling my colleague to order anything for me. But one month later, today, I looked at the menu with comprehending eyes and ordered Crepe Camaron con Salsa Jalapeno (Shrimp Crepes with Jalapeno Sauce) and Limonada con Agua (Lemonade) with such easiness that my Spanish speaking colleagues all grinned their appreciation at me. What a difference one short month as made!

One month ago, I never considered myself as a young lady, much less a lady. I was still stuck somewhere inbetween girlhood and womanhood (sounds familiar? think Britney Spears "I'm not a girl, not yet a woman"). But one month later, I realise that I've started thinking of myself as a young lady. I guess being around guys who act like gentlemen (well, most of the time anyway - guys will still always be guys) has been me see myself as how they see me; not a little girl but a capable, independent young lady.

One month ago, I would have never imagined that I would one day visit the ruins of the great Mayan civilization. I can't remember the countless times I've watched documentaries on the Mayans or read articles on them but didn't even dare to imagine I would get to see their legacy. One month later, I've touched, stood on, sat on, walked through, walked on, the stones that the people of this mysterious, great civilization laid down thousands of years ago.

One month ago, I would have said how much I love traveling. One month later, I still say I love traveling - the experience of doing normal everyday things like having lunch in a totaly new country, it's sheer pleassure. But I still do miss home - nothing like Malaysian food- my friends and most definitely my boyfriend. So I'm looking forward to going home, to chilling in a mamak, having Milo Ice and Nasi Lemak with the people that matter most to me.


Monday, 19 May 2008

Perfect way to spend a Sunday

I was in serious need of some therapy. I had tried chocolate but it didn't work. Last night I treated myself to scrumptious strawberry cheese cake and it worked for a while but my spirits plummeted soon after. It was time to shift to a higher gear; bring out the heavy guns. What I needed was some spoiling-myself-as-a-girl time. I needed to shop.

But the thing with me is, if I determine that I'm going to shop, I never find anything that I like. So this time I told myself, I'm just going to look around the stores and if I see anything I like I'll get it. And my-oh-my, the first thing that I found was The Perfect Jeans! It was the right colour, the right size, the right fit, had the right amount of 'bling', the right length. The moment I put it on, it felt like I've finally found something I've been looking for my entire life. I'm not exaggerating. It was such a perfect, fulfilling moment! From there on, I found The Perfect Sandals and a couple of amazing tops. And because the prices were in a foreign currency, after sometime I stopped converting it to Ringgits (it got too tiring) and just started flashing my MasterCard. I know when I see my credit card statement I'm going to wonder what insanity had possessed me but it was honestly the best shopping I've ever done in a long, long while.


Monday, 12 May 2008


In life we evolve. I saw a significant one in my life recently.

Interviews - I so hate them. It makes me sweat a bucket and I become a total nerve-wreck.

I have attended many. And I have had my share of attending very unpleasant ones. I have had people shouting at me. I have had people who laughed at my stupidity. I have had tongue-tied moments. I have had brain-shutdown moments. I have attended some that made me yawn. Some that totally pissed me off. From walk-in to 3rd interviews, I have attended them all. All I could remember is how much I dreaded going for these interviews. I would have to prepare a day ahead reading the-most-asked-interview questions. Wearing my defined interview clothes; always reaching at least an hour earlier for the interview. Although I lost count on how many interviews I would have attended in my unemployment period, thank god it did come to an end. I got myself a job.

Then the process evolved. I had a job but unsatisfied. Hence I was looking for another. Of course that required me to attend interviews again. But this time around, it was pretty different. I was no longer concerned about wearing the best looking clothes. (I attended one all soaking wet cos of rain); I lost the article on the-most-asked interview questions. And I was always rushing at the last minute because my interviews were scheduled after work. I got over my tongue-tied moments and asked lots of questions. In fact more than they asked me. I even managed to give them back the why-are-you-wasting-my-time look. Haha, that was a pure satisfaction. And yeah, eventually I found another job.

And the process evolved again. This time around, I have a job, satisfied and I am also hiring now. Yeah! Lately I have been interviewing candidates to be my junior. Maybe, it’s not anything great for others. But it is for me. I am sure my friends who have heard my never ending complains about interviews would understand. I must say, my 1st interview session, (interviewing someone who has more experience than me and he is so much elder than me) was nerve-wrecking. I was probably sweating more than he was. But somehow, deep inside my heart, I had a smile.

A smile of achievement.

By: ‘lilo

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Believe it or not..

All my living years, I have been telling everyone around me that they deserve to be in a museum only to realize that it’s me who deserves a museum after my name!! Yes, sad but true. My bf told me some time back that I deserve to be displayed in not any museum but London Museum. Although I argued and denied the fact, now I have to agree to it. Unfortunately.

For those who have been following this blog, there was an entry two months back about the weirdest thing to happen to my watch, all the numbers fell off while I was looking at it. I thought that was so weird and freaky. But now, well here’s the story.

After that incident, I was so eager in getting a new watch. But when I surveyed around, everything was expensive and I was kinda broke. So being a good gal I am, I dig my old watch collection and finally settled for one which was working fine. It is not an old watch, a good brand, just looks a bit funky n yes it was working fine. Although, I was constantly being made fun by a certain someone for wearing that big bulky watch, but it served my purpose and I couldn’t care less.

Then lately for few days I noticed, the watch was acting a bit weird. Time was messed up now and then and etc. And I casually thought the battery was dying and didn’t bother. And yesterday I watched carefully and realized the time was actually moving backwards. Yes, it was moving anti-clock wise. What a weird thing to happen, but anyway, I confidently believed that the watch was behaving that way because it’s old.

I was complaining endlessly to my other half and all of a sudden he said come lets go get a new watch. There we were shopping for a watch out of a sudden, and in less than an hour I had a brand new watch. I was happy and smiling and to add to it, he actually paid for it. Sound like a perfect fairy tale story? Well, that was just last night.

This morning I proudly wore the watch, posed in front of the mirror to realize later, it has stopped moving. Yes, like WTF!! I was pissed, confused, bla bla.. and was doing all kind of experiments with it.

And you know what? The watch wouldn’t work if it’s strapped to my hand, but it works perfectly fine when it’s left on the table.

Seriously, WTF is wrong with me now??

By: ‘lilo

p/s: if anyone have experienced anything similar or has any clue why weirdest things happening to my watches suddenly, please share with me.

Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Men are from mars..

If men are from mars, then mars must be a real shit-hole!!


Men are just some overly confident – insensitive (towards others feelings) and oversensitive (towards their own feelings) – ignorant – always unsatisfied – always have the dumbest thing to say- n simply full of shit. Bullshit.


By: 'lilo