Tuesday, 26 August 2014

My life..

No matter what I do..
how hard I try..
No matter how much I give..
It is just not enough..
And perhaps it'll never be..

And there's nothing I can do about it.. Fml!


Friday, 15 August 2014

Daddy dearest..

I was never really close to my dad. At least in a way all other father-daughter relationships seemed to be. My father wasn't the cool kind that hangs out with the daughter.

He was more reserved, quite and a man of few words. (Says a lot why I turned out like this! But that's another topic all together)

Anyways, we never really use to have conversations. Even when I was away from home for 5 years, I can safely say he never called to speak to me even once. We never have phone conversation. Even when I'm in some weird part of the world. It's always through my mom. I call my mom religiously, and when I do I would ask how is he doing. When she hangs up, he would ask her about me. I have always wondered, or maybe a lil jealous, how come all my friends have their fathers calling and talking to them all the time. Like it's something perfectly normal to do.

It's funny to think, even on the days when he picks up the house phone, all I ask him is, "where's Amma?" and that would be the end of our conversations.

It's not like we were fighting or anything. It's just how we've always been. And no, he's never a bad dad. He's the good kind. The kind that trust the children more than they need to. The one that only says "I know you can do better than that" when we have failed doing something miserably. One that pushes you off your limits. One that patiently waits for you and never complains.

For one that doesn't speak so much or keeps to himself, needless to say we were never to be the one to be openly declaring our love or care for one another. We don't say sweet things, no hugs, no kisses. All those were fulfilled by my darling mother.

Anyway, the point of me writing this is that, I just realized how things have changed.

He looks forward to my visits now. He's truly happy and he hugs me. We hold hands and walk the corridors very slowly, while he fills me up with stories of his childhood that he has never shared. We talk. He asks me how my day was and we talk and laugh at silly things. He likes it when I tuck him into bed. I have now seen him in his most vulnerable and emotional states. I have wiped his tears off. I have fed him and care for him. Times may be tough now, but it has brought us so much closer and we are truly happy that we have each other.

It's not a blessing in disguise. Definitely not. But I guess some moments (the good ones) are meant to be cherished. As tough as it is now, I'm glad I got to have this bonding with my dad.

I still have not said this out loud, but I love you pa! And I know we don't have to..