Wednesday, 17 July 2013

Pregnant ladies from hell

Yes, we get that you are pregnant. But you don’t have to act like it’s the world who screwed you.

However, if you are pregnant, and have a weak heart, please don’t continue reading. (Content below is not baby friendly!)

Just because you are pregnant,
1. You don’t get to have a bedroom look and ‘I-forgot-to-shower-this-morning’ face every day!
2. Wearing a jacket over your pyjamas is not office attire, honey!
3. And so are all the auntiest of aunty clothes you wear to work! There are lot of modern mom stores online these days, in case if you haven’t step out of the house, you know, because you are pregnant.
4. You don’t get to sit as if you are doing a split (read: terkangkang), exposing everything; and as if (quoting my colleague) “your baby’s head is jutting out your vagina all the time!”
5. We don’t really care if you are craving for the pork belly or pork butt. Save that, for the poor soul who screwed you.
6. And no, we don’t want to feel your stomach. You are already touching it million times every day. Leave the baby poor baby alone in peace, will ya?
7. We are not excited for your baby because we keep asking you when you are delivering; we want you to get it over with already. We wouldn’t mind you going on 6 months or forever maternity leave.
8. You don’t get to bitch and snap and throw tantrums, and laugh it off later and blame it on the hormones! (Hey, I’m hormonal too, like every day of my life! Watch out!)
9. And we don’t want to know, how supple your breast is or how soft your vagina is. Really! Too much information, and we don’t give a fck.
10. Trying growing a brain before you start growing a baby.

Sorry for the harsh words, but I’m not sorry you are pregnant. Leave me alone.

Disclaimer: This post is only targeted at certain individuals. And yes, I have had friends who were perfectly normal during pregnancy. For I would forever be grateful ;)