Feels like an eternity

I've spent the last one month in an isolated island in Portugal. More like I've survived a month now.

I was worried if I will even make it through, I prayed for some miracle to happen and our client will suddenly change their mind and send me back home. But of cos I'm ain't that lucky, none of that happened.

I've been away longer, but this felt like an eternity. Let's see, so how did I survive?

I splurged on a brand new shoe when I had to walk some miles the first day and never did after that ;) I bought lots of blackberry cider and chips to get through the nights. I got creative with my food, attempted new recipes that doesn't involve cooking! Oh, and I actually bought a freaking kettle.

I watched lots and lots of drama and learned all about scandals involving top politicians. I played lots of CoC and CC :p

I made some friends. Maybe one friend. Despite the language barrier, someone that I can talk to and share some story with over lunch.

Just like that, I wish I can say that, but no; after a real long wait, time has finally passed! I'll be going home soon! Hallelujah :D


Lilo

In case you are wondering, yes, I honestly do not know what is the point of this post. Ok thanks bye.

People..

There is a reason, why I don't like people.

Yes, I believe there are two types of people in this world. And I don't like both of them.

That is the reason for why I am usually not friendly. It's an exclusive emotion meant only for my exclusive friends.

So anyway, today being (Tamil) new year and all, I decided to wear something nice to work, which happened to enhance my fat curves and what not.

This girl at work who is trying to be my friend recently, decides to "compliment" me.

"You actually have a nice body, you know! Your figure is nice, but you know la your stomach. You just need to work on that. That's the core you know!"

Like hell I know.

Get lost people.

Hmmph. What a start to the year.



Lilo

Champion is me!

It's one of those days when I just wanna be a sloth and do nothing. Just as I was enjoying my staring into space/monitor moment all day, someone had to interrupt!!

So this guy, my colleague, starts going on and on about how he is unhappy with things in the company etc etc.. Like seriously, is that even surprising?

I tried staring blankly at his face for a good few mins, but he didn't seem to stop.

So I had to cut him half way and asked,

Me: Are you a customer?
He: Err, no?
Me: Then does it matter what you have to say?
He: Hm, no I guess?
Me: Yup, do you want to continue?
He: No, thanks!

Hoorah! Champion is me! :D


Lilo

Confessions of a coffeeholic

This (Monday) morning I was fiddling with the coffee machine with my sleepy eyes, that I accidentally selected short black instead of a long black. Although it seemed very appropriate to the state I was in this morning, I hate that crap.

With that merely there coffee in my cup, I was reminded of my first real coffee experience.

So I was at my first job, at this very 'happening' work place, where everyone walk around with a Starbucks cup in their hands every morning.

Let's just call me naive, for a lack of better word, my idea of coffee was 3 in 1 Nescafé that served me well during uni days. My only rare encounters in Starbucks was for a treat to myself with a Java Frappucino. Cause that was the only name my sister taught me.

So you can safely say, I was lost in the new environment and was trying very hard to fit in. After a month or so of being in envy of my colleagues; one fine day, my colleague gets up and asks me if I want coffee as he is running down to grab one.

Without thinking twice, I say "Yes!" (Beaming with joy)

But that's when it all started going downhill. He asks the golden question, "what coffee do you want?"

I go in my head "Shit! What he means by what coffee?! What coffee do people drink?? Isn't coffee called coffee?!"

Trying to remain calm and composed, when he repeats the question, I blurt out "Espresso!" (I swear I thought that was a cool name for a coffee)

He looks at me and goes, "Wow, espresso! Must be a tough morning for you. Do you want a single shot or double?"

Still not getting it and thinking I'm on a roll, I say "double please!"

Let's just say the rest remains history.


Lilo

Call It Fate - Part 3

Dedicated to the romantic in all of us.

Jenna unsuccessfully suppressed a yawn and grabbed her handbag. “Sorry! It’s been a long day. Shall we go?”

            “Yeah, let’s. Let me walk you to your car.”

Jenna walked beside him in relaxed silence for a while. The crowds of earlier had trickled down to only a few people milling about in the cool night breeze. She noticed he seemed preoccupied. Was he going to ask her out? She hoped so. Unbelievable that the marriage broker found a decent one this time!

            They stopped beside her car. Jenna fiddled with her keys. She couldn’t help feeling disappointed that he hadn’t said anything about meeting again. Maybe she should drop an encouraging hint. “I had a really great time tonight. I guess I’ll see you around?”

            “Yes, about that. Actually there’s something I wanted to tell you.”

            Now he looked downright nervous. Jenna felt a pit of dread in her stomach. He was going to blow her off, wasn’t he? But she tried to keep things light. She shot him a playful disgusted look. “What? You’re not really a pilot?”

            “Oh I am.”

She braced herself as she watched him inhale and looked her straight in the eye. But there was no way she could have prepared for the next thing he blurted.

“I’m not Prabu. My name is Ashok. I’m so sorry for not telling you earlier. I’m really an asshole aren’t I? But everything happened so quickly…”

            Jenna stared at him uncomprehendingly. Her brain seemed to have turned into a sluggish mush. “But you’re from the marriage broker right?”

            “No, I’m so sorry. This is really a case of mistaken identity but I can explain - what are you doing?!”

            Jenna’s brain had suddenly clicked into action and she plunged her hand into her handbag, pulled out her pink pepper spray and was aiming it at Ashok or whoever the hell he was with deadly accuracy.

            “Get away from me you pyscho!”

            “Jenna, please! Listen to me. Everything else was the truth.” Ashok pleaded, his hands up but not backing away.

            She thrust the pepper spray towards him. “Are you mad? How can I trust anything you say? Last chance, get away from here before I start screaming!” She looked around wildly, wondering if anyone could hear her.

“Jenna, the only thing I kept from you is my name. Which was really stupid of me. Here look!” He stretched his arm towards her and Jenna instinctively jumped back. “It’s my phone. Take it and look at my Facebook profile. You’ll see I’m just a regular guy.”

            Jenna hovered between anger, suspicion and curiousity for a moment. Curiousity won and she snatched his phone. She kept the pepper spray aimed at him and quickly scrolled down his profile. Then she looked up in surprise. Ashok was watching her anxiously.

            “You’re mutual friends with Alex.”

            “Alex Wong? Yes, we were classmates. How do you know him?”

            Jenna lowered the pepper spray an inch. “My colleague. Small world.”

            “So you believe me now? Forgive me?” He looked at her earnestly. 

            Jenna lobbed his phone back at him. He caught it easily. She wished it had hit his head. Just then, he smiled his charming sideways smile and Jenna felt her warring emotions fuse into undeniable attraction for Ashok. She lost her battle to remain angry and noticed his eyes light up with relieve. Damn it, was she that easy to read?

            He approached her, right palm outstretched. “Hello, I’m Ashok. Would you like to go out with me tomorrow night, Miss Jenna?”

            This was insane. He was insane. But she was bewitched by his audacity.

            Laughter bubbled out of Jenna as she clasped his hand. “I would Mr. Ashok.”

            And then she drew her hand back and swung a solid punch on his toned right bicep.

~The End~ (For real)

~Anya~

Call It Fate (Part 1)

Jenna tipped her handbag upside down, shaking it violently. Loose change, crumpled tissue paper, old receipts, a red lipstick tube and a chunky bracelet tumbled out, landing noisily on her office desk. Not there! She yanked open drawers, gave up and crawled under her desk, searching furiously. Her heart thumped in panic. Oh my God, where is it? Where’s my phone?!

            “Have you tried calling it?” Vivi hovered anxiously beside her.

            “Of course I have! Like a hundred times! It goes straight to voicemail.” She straightened and tugged down her short skirt.

            “When was the last time you saw it?” Alex had joined them now.

             “I swear I saw her holding her phone at lunch. We went back to the restaurant as soon as she realized her phone’s not with her.”

            “Let me guess, no luck right? Forget your phone Jenna. It’s gone. Just get a new one.”

            “No, no, you guys don’t understand. I can’t lose that phone! All my contacts! And I don’t want some stranger going through my personal stuff!” Jenna was practically hyperventilating.

            Alex smirked. “Wow Jenna, didn’t think you were the type to have those kinds of photos on your phone!”

             “It’s not like that you idiot! Now, go away. You’re not helping me at all.”

            Alex drifted back to his cubicle, shrugging sympathetically. Another word out of his mouth and Jenna might just have thrown her water bottle at him. She sagged into her chair, massaging her pounding head. She would have rather lost her purse than her phone. What was she going to do?

            “Babe, we’ve searched everywhere we can think of. Alex’s right, it’s gone. I think you need to call Maxis and get a replacement SIM card first.”

            Jenna was too depressed to respond.

            “You’ve got the perfect excuse to shop,” Vivi continued, obviously trying to get her to see the bright side. “Stop by the mall after work and get a new phone.”

            Jenna groaned, Vivi’s chatter reminding her of her appointment after work. Today of all days!

            “I can’t, not today. I have to go meet that guy remember?”

            “Oh, that’s today? Can’t you call him to cancel? Oh, right. Well, just don’t show up then.”

             Jenna bit her lips, pondering. Were the gods finally answering her prayers to spare her the drudgery of another blind date? But no, she couldn’t go back and tell her mother she’d stood up the guy. She could just imagine the nagging she’d face all weekend. My friends’ daughters are all getting married and having children. Why don’t you want to get married? Why are you being so choosy? Are you going to let me die without grandchildren?

Fuck. She’d just have to get this stupid date over with. God knows what kind of loser the marriage broker has found this time.

            “Can’t do that. Now the problem is, I don’t even know how I’m going to get to the restaurant without Waze. And with the Friday evening traffic – Oh God!”          

            “Why? Where is it?”

            “This really obscure place I found in Damansara – Poco Vino. I didn’t want to bump into anyone I know.”

            Vivi laughed. “But why not?”

            Jenna grimaced.  “If you’ve been forced to go on blind dates, you’ll know why.”

            “Why is your mum always shoving guys your way, anyway?”

            Jenna gave a self-depreciating laugh, momentarily forgetting her lost phone. She waved her hands at herself. “Hello? Indian, single, 31. That’s a frightful combination for her.” She didn’t add: size 14.

            Vivi bent down over her keyboard and began tapping. “You should tell your mum she’s got nothing to worry about. Guys hit on you all the time. Even Chinese guys check you out when we’re together. Ok, hang on, I’m getting something from the printer.”

            Jenna stared out the windows. The angry black clouds gathering in the sky matched her mood.

            Vivi came back, gesturing to the sky. “Traffic’s gonna be deadlocked with this rain. Here you go.” She thrust a piece of paper at Jenna.

            Jenna took it, puzzled. “A map? For the restaurant?”

            “I know. So old school, right?”  

            Jenna stared at it with blank horror. A real piece-of-paper map! The only kind of map that she knew how to follow, talked.

Call It Fate (Part 2)

Jenna squeezed her Ford into an empty slot that took her twenty minutes to find and exhaled. When would this day end! First, her phone getting lost. And then losing her way three times, trying to figure out the map with the nightmarish rush hour in the pouring rain. She was exhausted. And an hour late for her date. Please, please, let him have given up waiting and left already. She really wouldn’t mind a quiet dinner by herself. She was craving a huge chocolate mud cake slice after the day she’d had.

            It was still drizzling. She shook out her umbrella and hopped out of her car. Her feet plopped into a puddle of muddy water. Fuck! Her heels were soaked! Well at least no one would notice in the dark. She squelched her way half a block to Poco Vino. The sidewalks were crowded with people trying to avoid the rain.

            The restaurant was unexpectedly lovely. A little place tucked between a hair salon and HSBC bank, smelling of heavenly wood oven pizza. She waved away the maitre’d, assuring him she was meeting someone, all the while wildly hoping the guy wouldn’t be there. She peered into the dim interior. It was almost empty. There was an elderly couple at the table on her right and behind them a family of four with two young children. Then at the last table at the back, she saw the guy with his back to her. Her heart sank. She knew it was him because his last text to her said he’d be wearing a grey stripped Polo t-shirt. Obviously she hadn’t asked for his photo nor given him hers. God forbid, the loser took it as a sign that she was interested in him.

            She squared her shoulders and approached the table. Oblivious to her, the guy was tapping at his laptop, a plate of half eaten pasta next to him. Hmm, I can’t fault him eating first when he’s been waiting for so long. She stuck out her hand. “Hello, Jenna. Prabu right? Sorry I’m late. I lost my phone and…never mind, it’s a long story.”

            Jenna almost smiled at the startled look the guy gave her. Good! I hope I’m not his type and he tells the stupid broker he’s not interested.

            “Jenna?”

            She sat down across from him, dumping her handbag beside her. “Oh, I guess you were told my formal name – Janaswari.”

            He had the gall to smirk! “Janaswari? Jenna. Well, hi.”

            There was an awkward silence. She hated this. Prabu broke it first.

            “Where’s the waiter? I’m sure you must be hungry.” He shut down his laptop, turned around and signaled the waiter.

            Absently mindedly, Jenna noticed he had a very nice nose. To be fair, he was actually quite good looking, in a rugged sort of way. Sort of like Gerard Butler. The waiter came over and Jenna ordered a lasagna and chocolate mud cake for desert. Ha, let my gluttony scare him off. She glanced at Prabu and noticed an amused smile playing on his lips. She suddenly wondered if she had lipstick on her teeth or mascara smeared down her cheek. If she had her phone with her, she could have discretely checked. Damn it.

            “So Jenna. What do you do?”

            Here we go again. “Didn’t the marriage broker tell you everything about me?”

            Prabu raised his eyebrows. “Only the boring parts and who remembers those right?” His face was deadpan but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away.

            Jenna chuckled. “I’m in event management. What about you?”

            “So I’m not the only one who wasn’t paying attention.” He grinned at her.

            Jenna smiled back. She found herself letting down her guard a little bit more.

            “I’m a pilot.”

            Jenna folded her arms and sat back, staring at him suspiciously. “Pilot huh? You must have hot chicks throwing themselves at you all the time. Why are you doing this?” She indicated the space between them.

            Prabu gazed at her meaningfully and Jenna felt the beginnings of a blush creeping up her cheeks. “I’m looking for a real woman.”

Jenna rolled her eyes, letting the exaggerated remark pass. “So what was your scariest flying experience?”

“Ah, let me see… couple of years ago, I was flying to Vietnam and halfway through, one of the engines began to leak oil.”

“Shit! And then?”

“I can’t lie and tell you I wasn’t afraid, but we have standard operating procedures for things like this. So I said to my First Officer….”

Jenna licked her spoon. The chocolate mud cake was everything she needed. And Prabu was turning out to be surprisingly interesting. She glanced at her watch. Almost midnight. That was a record as far as blind dates went. Usually she wrapped things up within an hour.

            “I have to leave soon. Excuse me while I pop by the ladies first.”

            “Sure. I’ll call for the bill.”

What just happened? Here I was minding my own business and this beautiful woman appears in front of me. I know she’s talking but I don’t hear a thing. All I see is sparkling eyes and those legs in that short skirt. Before I know it, she’s sitting across from me. Then I realised she’s mistaken me for someone else. This was when I should have immediately said, “Sorry miss, I’m not the guy you’re supposed to meet. My name is Ashok.” And then she would have left as fast as she had arrived. Only a fool would let a woman like that leave.

            So I kept talking and she didn’t seem to notice anything amiss. Once or twice though, I caught her studying me, like I wasn’t what she was expecting. But we made each other laugh and I couldn’t believe that I was enjoying this strange woman’s company.

            Anyway, she’s gone to the ladies now and I’m telling her the truth when she gets back. And then I’ll ask her out on a proper date. I hope she’ll forgive me for fooling her and say yes. I don’t know. She looks like the type of woman who would either dump that glass of cold water on my head and slap me or collapse laughing on the floor.  Ok, here she comes. Damn, I can’t believe how nervous I feel.

Anya

Turning a year hotter ;)

"The best thing come, when you least expect them to"

I've read this quote many times in many forms. Maybe it's true. I believe today.

My birthday this year has to be one of the best I've ever had.

I was least bothered about my birthday this year, nor I was freaking out like I usually do before my birthday.

I planned nothing. But everything happened. And it was all perfect. Simple yet full of surprises.

And for once, after so many years, I got to spend my birthday with my dearest friends.

Truly humbled by all the love shown and overwhelmed by the very thoughtful gifts.

Thank you Anya, Nemo & Beast for making my day very special. Love ya all! <3


Totally blessed,
Lilo

Twenty Fifteen

If last year was not the rock bottom, I don't know what is. Hopefully it only gets better and better from today onwards!

My resolutions for this year are to:

1. Give more and expect less
2. Love more and hate less
3. Eat more but gain less
4. Earn more but save less
5. Shop more and worry less
7. Exercise more and age less
8. Travel more and fear less
9. Learn more but work less

And last but not least

10. Live more and regret less!

May this year be a awesome possum one for all of us! x

Lilo

The disastrous 2014

Its about that time of the year when I do my yearly wrap up.. a bit late this year actually.. was hoping for some miracle to happen 

The year 2014 was one long, challenging year. Quoting someone, "it was the year that everything happened; and nothing happened".

This year saw many deaths, weirdest tragedies, endless hours in hospital.

Despite everything that happened this year, I am grateful for many things.

1. For being alive. Seems not so easy anymore these days.

2. For having people in my life that stood by me through the tough times, pulled me up when I was sinking, wiped my tears while I was crying or simply listened while I was whining.

3. For my father, who fought his last breath, to be with us today.

4. For having a job that has been flexible with my crazy emergencies and for paying me enough to take care of my family and my impulse shopping expenditures.

5. For being able to go on my first 'very expensive' long holiday abroad.

6. For my new nephew, the new bundle of joy of the family. Hopefully.

7. For having the patience to deal with crazy doctors, lazy nurses, and annoying relatives/colleagues.

8. For finally being debt free, like completely zero debt :) Cant say the same next year. 


Bring on 2015, I'm ready to take you on. Happy new year darlings! Have a blessed one.. xx



Lilo

Under one roof..

In the corner of the waiting room, there was a lady crying on the phone with her son, informing the hours left for the father..

Along the corridors, there were bunch of old but happy men, going one room after another, picking up their gang for the morning walk, laughing away like nothing in the world mattered..

In one of the room, there was a dedicated wife, secretly wiping her tears, trying to put up a smile, hoping to fool the husband, dying in bed..

In another room, there was a secret party going on, when the entire village decides to visit, the head of the clan sick in bed..

Next to him was the old lady left alone, always looking up the door with so much hope, each time a person walks into the room..

And then there was a guy who's been there forever, educating the newcomers seriously, lecturing on the do's and dont's..

On the doorway, there was a happy daughter, smiling ear to ear, she can now take her mommy home..

Everyone becomes friends, everyone is a relative.. What race? What religion? Everyone just care, for one another..

All under the one roof.. All under the leaking roof..


Lilo

Shadow Lives - Part 1

Janaki meticulously measured out the ingredients of the tosai for tomorrow morning’s breakfast. As the creaky old radio hummed a song from her childhood days, she rinsed out the ulunthu, rice and fenugreek. Her three children had laughingly declared the radio to be a pile of junk and had bought her an iPod for Deepavali three years ago. It was still in the box, carefully tucked between her sarees. She just never got the hang of it, much to their amusement. Oh, how she missed their banter. Nothing had been the same since the fight. Every Deepavali since then was just a scorching reminder of the painful jagged rip in their family.  

            The sound of the front door opening interrupted her sad reverie. A moment later her husband walked into the kitchen, carrying two bags of groceries. He placed it on the worn wooden table and wiped his perspiring brow with a handkerchief. Janaki ignored the plastic bag of vegetables and inspected the second one.

            “Ice-cream? And chocolates?” She looked at her husband reproachfully. “You know what the doctor said about sugar!”

            Muthu waved away her protests. “It’s for the grandchildren, Jan. Make me a cup of coffee, will you? Extra kaw.”

            Janaki muttered irritably under her breath about her husband’s blasé attitude towards his diabetes as she prepared his coffee, deliberately stirring in only half a teaspoon of sugar. She brought it to the hall. Another mindless Tamil serial was on TV. Muthu was gazing listlessly at the ceiling, his thin frame stretched out on the sofa. Her heart softened. The short walk to the shops he insisted on every morning must have tired him but he would never admit it. That was just the way he was, maddeningly set in his ways.

            “Any news from Kuhan?” he asked, when she set down his mug on the coffee table.

“He called last night. All flights are grounded and he’s still waiting.”

“Did you tell him the matchmaker has found him a new girl? I agreed to meet the family the day after tomorrow with Kuhan. He should be back by then right?”

            Janaki plunked her hands on her ample waist and scowled at his high-handedness. “You know how he feels about arranged marriages! He’s never agreed to meet any of the girls your little matchmaker crony has proposed. Why would you make plans without consulting him?”

            “The boy just needs a push in the right direction. He’ll thank me later, you’ll see. What about Sarala and the children? What time are they arriving?”

            “After breakfast.” Janaki decided to let the remark about Kuhan slide. No point getting him riled up because she wanted to bring up Deva. 

She hesitated, twisting her fingers. “Muthu… you know I never ask you for much…” She stopped, feeling her courage failing her when her husband’s eyes narrowed on her. His eyes told her she better not say what he thought she was going to say. She gripped her hands tightly together and tried again. “It’s been three years since Deva and you… please…”

“Three years or thirty years, does it change the fact that he married a Muslim?” Muthu blustered. “No respect at all for our culture and beliefs!”

Muthu’s hurt self-righteous tone annoyed Janaki. “You’re not really mad that he married a Muslim. No. What you’re really angry about is, you couldn’t control him. Like how you love to control everything and everyone around you. Well he’s happy. Why is it so hard for you to be happy for him… for them?”

Muthu picked up the coffee mug, drained the bitter contents and banged it on the table. Then he looked pointedly away from her, his face like granite. He was done talking.

Typical, Janaki thought in frustration. Shutting off the moment anyone tells him something he doesn’t want to hear.

She picked up the empty mug. “Maybe not now… but you will regret holding on to your ego one day. I hope it won’t be too late by then.”

*           *           *           *           *

Muthu watched Janaki retreating to the kitchen. Come back, he wanted to call her. I already regret it. Every single day. But how do I… I don’t know how to take back the ugly things I said to Deva and Nurul.

            He clenched his fists and closed his eyes. Back when Janaki and he were devastated when they were told they couldn’t have any more children, Deva was proof that miracles do happen.  Parents were not supposed to have favourites, openly at least, but he loved Deva more than he thought was humanly possible. Yes, maybe he was a little overbearing but why couldn’t they see it was because he loved so deeply. He wanted to protect the people he loved from what he knew were bad decisions and mistakes.

So when Deva came home one day with Nurul, confidently shrugging off all Muthu’s advice and concerns, the hurt felt like a fist of nails twisting deep in his gut. He felt useless to be disregarded like that. Of course he couldn’t let his family see how vulnerable he felt. So he raged instead.

Now, Janaki’s ominous warning rang in his head. I hope it won’t be too late by then. He was already running out of time. His doctor has given him five, maybe six months. Was it enough time to repair the damage his ego had caused?

But first he had to tell Janaki. Unmanly tears sprang to his eyes when he thought about telling her. Angrily he pressed his balled up fists to his eyes. You have to be strong, he admonished himself.  

Part 2

Shadow Lives - Part 2

“Milan! Lara!” Sarala surveyed the chaos in the hall with exasperation. Disney was blaring on TV and every inch of floor space was covered with toys. Even the cushions from the sofas had been brought down and arranged into a fort. But the two kids were nowhere in sight. “Where are you? Get in here now!”

            They came running in from the backyard, happy faces smudged with dirt. Sandy , their golden retriever, came bounding in after them. The look on their mother’s face however, immediately wiped the cheeky smiles off.

            “One more time I find you two have not cleaned up after playing, I’m throwing all your toys away!” Even as she said this, it occurred to her that this particular threat was losing its effectiveness. She’d have to think up of a new one soon.

            “Sorry, Amma,” Milan said.

            Then with all the bossiness of a six year old, he nudged his four year old sister and said, “Say sorry.”

            “Sorry, Amma,” Lara mimicked meekly.

Sarala almost smiled but she steeled herself to look stern. She rubbed her aching back and sank into a nearby cushionless sofa as the kids began to put away their toys. Sandy nuzzled her legs affectionately.

At thirty six weeks pregnant, every inch of her felt tired. Suddenly she heard her mobile phone ringing from her room. She heaved herself to her feet, scratched Sandy behind her ear and navigated her way over the Lego pieces strewn on the floor.

Her husband reached her phone before she did. He had been in the room packing for the trip to her mother’s house. He was smiling into her phone and nodding.  When he noticed Sarala at the doorway, he broke off politely and handed the mobile to her. “It’s your mother.”

“Hello, Amma.”

“Sarala, you sound tired. How are you, dear?”

Sarala burst out laughing. “I’m impressed at your detective skills from just two words I said.”

“It’s a mother thing.”

“I’m fine, Amma. Just the usual tiredness. We’ll see you tomorrow. Is there anything you want me to pick up on the way?”

“Actually, that’s the reason I’m calling. Are you sure you want to travel two hours up to KL so late in your pregnancy? Your Appa and I don’t mind coming down to your place for Deepavali this year.”

Her parents’ concern amused her though she deeply appreciated it. They still acted like she was a young bride of twenty four and this was her first pregnancy.

“Don’t worry Amma. I’m fine. Really. Besides the kids are really looking forward to Deepavali at their grandparents’. Let’s not spoil their fun.”

“OK dear, if you say so. But if you change your mind or if you don’t feel good, let us know.”

She promised her mother she would and ended the call. Her husband was watching her.

“You do look more drained than the last two times.”

“That’s because I didn’t have two little monsters to run after before, Raj.” She stretched out on the bed and sighed wearily.

Something crashed in the hall and Lara wailed. Sandy began to bark excitedly.

“Make that three,” Sarala said wryly.

Raj leaned over, brushed aside her curly hair and kissed her forehead. “Rest for a while. I’ll go handle the little monsters.”

She squeezed his firm bum as he walked past her and smiled impishly. “Wait till I start handling you.”

“I consider myself sufficiently warned,” he grinned.

             *          *           *           *           *

Kuhan clutched his boarding pass gratefully and squeezed his way out of the press of the queue at the Malaysian Airlines check in counter. He was immediately swallowed up by the mass of frustrated, stranded travelers. Cursing irritably, he bulldozed his way through to Starbucks. He ordered his caffeine fix and swooped down on the only vacant seat beating another man who was hurrying towards it as well. The man turned away, disappointed.

Kuhan rubbed his bleary eyes and dug into his pocket for his mobile phone. Between work and sleeping at the airport last night, three days of almost no rest was taking a toll on him. But he was satisfied nonetheless. He’d had a breakthrough in the human trafficking piece he was working on by chasing a lead all the way to Hong Kong.

            “Hello Amma,” he said, as soon as his mother answered the phone.

            “Kuhan! Any news?”

            “The typhoon’s cleared. I’m flying out in 2 hours.”

            The relief in her voice was palpable. “That’s wonderful! We were so worried you wouldn’t make it back in time for Deepavali.”

            Kuhan laugh tiredly. “Me too. See you soon Amma.”

            He’d just ended the call and taken a deep drink of his coffee when his phone buzzed again. His brother’s goofy face flashed on the screen. Kuhan smiled.

            “Bro! What’s up? Are you back yet?”

            “I’ll be back today. How’s Nurul doing? She’s due anytime now, isn’t she?”

            “Around the same time as Sarala actually. But she’s doing good so far. I think I’m more of a nervous wreck than her!”

            They chuckled and then Deva grew silent. Kuhan knew what he was going to say next.

            “How are Appa and Amma?”

            Kuhan deliberated on what to say. He didn’t want to make Deva feel worse than he already did.

            “Amma misses you but she’s fine otherwise. Appa’s still being an old stubborn fool.”

            “Do you think he’ll ever come around? He must want to see his grandchild for God’s sake!”

            Kuhan stared out the window at the gloomy grey landscape and said more confidently than he felt. “He will, just give him time. He’s just really old fashioned.”

            Deva sighed and changed the subject. “Anyway, if you’re around KL next Saturday, come over to my place. We’re having a little Deepavali dinner for Nurul’s relatives. I’m inviting Sarala and her family too. It’ll be really great if you guys could come. If you could get Amma to escape the old man’s clutches and come, even better.”

            Kuhan heard the raw yearning in Deva’s voice and his rage towards his father for breaking up the family almost boiled over. But he made a savage effort to control his voice. “I’ll be there bro. You can count on it. I’ll see what I can do about Amma.”

            “Thanks bro, that’s great! Alright, have a safe flight and see you soon.”

            Kuhan clicked off and checked the time. He’d better get to his boarding gate. He scrolled down his messages and rapidly tapped out a text to Jason.

            I’ll be arriving at KLIA around 5 P.M. Could you pick me up? K

His phone buzzed almost immediately with the reply.

Of course! Missed you! Can’t wait to see you! xxx J

Jason was great. What a pity I have to break it off soon, Kuhan thought absentmindedly as he typed his reply. He was just a bit too… fluffy, for his taste.

            Missed you more!! xxx K

            He pocketed his phone and smirked cynically. If his father thought Deva marrying a Muslim violated all his traditional believes, what would he do when he found out his other son was gay?  

Part 3

Shadow Lives - Part 3

The doorbell chimed. Janaki felt her heart leap with joy as she quickly turned off the stove. She hurried over and threw open the front door. Milan and Lara tumbled in, still in their pyjamas, dispelling the gloom that permeated the house.

            “They insisted on coming straight here to have their Deepavali morning oil bath,” Sarala said, waddling into the house. “Hi Amma. Happy Deepavali.” She gave her mother an awkward hug.

            “It’s so nice to have you all here!” Janaki exclaimed. She hugged Sarala back and Raj who came in after her, bags in each hand. Sandy scampered up to her, tangling between her legs, barking excitedly. Suddenly she hurtled straight to Muthu who was coming down the stairs and begin licking him madly.

            “Crazy dog! Stop it!” Muthu swatted away at Sandy.

            The kids giggled hysterically as they raced to join Sandy. Janaki noticed how Muthu’s face lit up in only the way that grandchildren could make it.

            “Guess what Taata has bought for you? Ice cream and chocolates!” Janaki heard Muthu say. 

            “Not first thing in the morning!” Janaki rolled her eyes at her daughter.

            “We know he can’t wait to have them actually,” Sarala laughed, wagging her finger in mock reprove at her father. She hugged him. “Happy Deepavali Appa. Wow, have you always been this thin? Or have I gotten so fat that I feel everyone else are stick figures?”

            Muthu laughed, a little too heartily, Janaki thought. But she was relieved to see he was not brooding like how he often was lately. Let everyone be happy today, she prayed.

            As she herded everyone into the living room, she exchanged a pained look with Sarala when they both glanced at the family photos displayed prominently everywhere. The glaring absence of Deva in every one of them was hard to ignore. But as Janaki knew she would, Sarala arranged her face into a cheerful mask. Over the years, Janaki had come to depend on her daughter’s bright spirit to carry them over the undercurrents of tension and sadness. Sometimes though, she wondered how Sarala was really feeling.

            “Hello gang! Happy Deepavali!”

            Janaki’s heart swelled with happiness to see Kuhan standing at the open doorway. The kids raced towards him and he scooped them up, one in each muscled arm. Everyone was now here! Deepavali could official begin.

            Not everyone, a tiny empty space in heart whispered, stabbing at her contentment.

            None of that gloom today, she told herself sternly. She made a deliberate effort to be merry and bustled to the kitchen to start on her tosai. Sarala followed her, leaving the men with the children and Sandy who was making a nuisance of herself with Muthu.

             *          *           *           *           *

“Oil bath! Oil bath!” Milan and Lara were shrieking.

“Ok, ok, go tell your Appa to get you ready for it.” Muthu looked around for Raj who seemed to have conveniently disappeared with Kuhan.

“Nononono.. we want Taata!”

Muthu made a show of groaning reluctantly but he was only too happy to indulge them. He let the kids drag him to his feet, pushing away Sandy who was clambering on him and whining. “Alright, alright kiddos. Let’s go!”

Sandy twisted around his legs, almost tripping him. Muthu threw up his hands with exasperation. “Raj can you please get this damn dog out of my way? What’s gotten into her? She’s sticking to me like a magnet!”

Raj stuck his head into the living room. “She’s just excited. Come here Sandy girl.”

Sandy gave Muthu a mournful look as if to say why don’t I get to have fun too?

“Oh, let her bathe with us please?” Milan begged.

Muthu shot Raj an alarmed look. He could handle the kids but definitely not the dog!

Luckily, Raj came to his rescue. “Certainly not Milan. Go on now, go with your Taata both of you.”

Muthu was relieved when the children didn’t protest and sprinted upstairs to the master bathroom. He followed at a slower pace, Sandy whining disappointedly and sniffing hopefully around his ankles, much to his irritation.

After he had slathered the children in oil and showered them in a symbolic cleansing for new beginnings, he sent them off to watch cartoons on TV. Sandy was still whining but at least she was sitting in a corner and not climbing all over him. He’d tell Raj to please put that dog outside for the rest of the day. She was getting too annoying.

“Sandy’s still here with you?” Raj was at the doorway.

“Unfortunately,” Muthu grumbled. “Can you take her outside?”

Raj was silent for so long, Muthu was about to repeat himself when he finally said quietly, “Appa, what kind is it?”

“What kind is what?”

“The cancer.” 

Part 4

Shadow Lives - Part 4

Muthu stared at Raj, stunned. And horrified too. How did he guess? He asked Raj.

Raj looked miserable. “It’s Sandy. She was this way with my grandaunt who had breast cancer. Whining and sticking to her like a leech.”

Both of them looked wordlessly at Sandy. Muthu broke the silence. “It’s my lungs. I have about six months, at most.” It felt unreal to say those words out loud for the first time to someone else.

Raj snapped his head up in shock. Don’t overreact, Muthu instructed silently. He watched in relief as Raj stoically digested the news.

“I’m guessing no one knows. When are you going to tell them?”Muthu grimaced. He’d been fighting with that question himself. Mainly, he didn’t want to be treated differently when he told his family. Like as if he was weak and to be pitied. But now Raj knew and he seemed to be handling it well enough. Maybe it won’t be so bad.

“Appa,” Raj prompted gently. “They need to know.”

Muthu decided swiftly. “Tomorrow. I’ll tell the family tomorrow, while everyone is together. Let’s have this one more day to be happy.”

Suddenly they heard a blood curdling scream from downstairs. Muthu froze. “That’s Sarala!”

“Oh my god! The baby!” Raj was already sprinting downstairs, his face ashen.

Muthu hurtled down after him, panic fueling his old limbs.

Downstairs, they collided with Kuhan. “Kitchen!”

Muthu felt like he had slammed into a brick wall when he saw Janaki sprawled on the kitchen floor, unconscious, Sarala keening over her. The children were clutching their mother, crying, looking shocked and confused.

He stumbled towards his wife, dazed. “What happened?”

From the babble of panicked voices surrounding him, he managed to pick out the words “Stroke” and “Hospital”. Only then did he notice the right side of Janaki’s face was twisted ghastly.  

Part 5